I am a man experiencing domestic and family violence

Although domestic and family violence is more commonly experienced by women it can happen to men, too. Violence against any person is unacceptable. Perpetrators of violence against men include their children, wives or partners, parents, siblings and carers.

Men who experience domestic and family violence are more likely to experience psychosomatic symptoms, stress, depression and alcoholism, than non-abused men.

Domestic violence is not always physical. It can include the following kinds of abuse and controlling behaviour.

Verbal

This can include, but is not limited to:

  • swearing and continual humiliation, either in private or in public
  • attacks following clear themes that focus on intelligence, sexuality, body image and capacity as a parent and spouse.

Psychological

This can include, but is not limited to:

  • driving dangerously
  • destruction of property
  • abuse of pets in front of family members
  • making threats regarding custody of any children
  • asserting that the police and justice system will not assist, support or believe the victim
  • threatening to ‘out’ the person.

Emotional

This can include, but is not limited to:

  • blaming the victim for all problems in the relationship
  • constantly comparing the victim with others to undermine self-esteem and self-worth
  • sporadic sulking
  • withdrawing all interest and engagement (for example weeks of silence)
  • emotional blackmail and suicidal threats.

Social

This can include, but is not limited to:

  • systematic isolation from family and friends through techniques such as ongoing rudeness to family and friends to alienate them
  • instigating and controlling the move to a location where the victim has no established social circle or employment opportunities
  • restricting use of the car or telephone
  • forbidding or physically preventing the victim from going out and meeting people.

Financial

This can include, but is not limited to complete control of all money, through:

  • forbidding access to bank accounts
  • providing only an inadequate ‘allowance’
  • not allowing the victim to seek or hold employment
  • coercing to sign documents or make false declarations
  • using all wages earned by the victim for household expenses
  • controlling the victim’s pension
  • denying that the victim has an entitlement to joint property.

Physical

This can include, but is not limited to:

  • direct assault on the body (strangulation or choking, shaking, eye injuries, biting, slapping, pushing, spitting, punching, or kicking)
  • use of weapons including objects
  • assault of children
  • locking the victim in or out of the house
  • forcing the victim to take drugs, withholding medication, food or medical care
  • sleep deprivation.

Sexual

This can include, but is not limited to:

  • any form of pressured/unwanted sex or sexual degradation by an intimate partner or ex-partner, such as sexual activity without consent
  • causing pain during sex
  • assaulting genitals
  • coercive sex without protection against pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease
  • making the victim perform sexual acts unwillingly (including taking or distributing explicit photos without their consent)
  • criticising or using sexually degrading insults.

Harassment and stalking

This can include, but is not limited to:

  • following and watching
  • telephone and online harassment
  • tracking with Global Positioning Systems (GPS)
  • being intimidating.

Many men who experience domestic and family violence feel a sense of shame about the abuse they are experiencing. This may be related to feeling like they should be able to protect themselves from violence. It is important to remember that it is never your fault and that men, like everyone else, are entitled to the full protection of the law when it comes to domestic violence.

If you are male and experiencing domestic violence, support and services are available.

Domestic Violence Line

Phone: 1800 65 64 63 

MensLine Australia

Phone: 1300 78 99 78 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
Website: http://www.menslineaus.org.au

National Domestic Violence Line

Phone: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)